j was up before me this morning. she said the birds were chirping and they woke her up. i have never heard birds outside of the city before, the hedge is supposed to be clean. there are birds in the city yeah, i've cleared them out of old buildngs, huge nests of them, but they don't chirp anymore. they just scream at you, that ungodly shriek all of the imperfects have, used to send chills through me. still does when i'm dreaming it.
i don't even remember what a real bird sounds like. it scares me that she said that. it's possible she could have dreamed them but i don't think she's ever heard birds in her lifetime besides she's too young to be dreaming anything that coherant.
thinking about crushing up one of my pills and putting it in her mash tonight but i don't know the right dosage for a child her size. one of my doses would probably put her into a coma. maybe i should talk to the doc about that? she would probably tell me not to. and she would be right, i can't risk j getting addicted or 'dependent' as doc would put it, makes it sound cleaner, and i can't spare any more pills. as it is i go through a week's supply in about six days now. i should be cutting back but they don't work as well as they used to. i'm going to ask for a higher dosage.
i shouldn't worry so much. j probably heard about birds from jake, he's older than she is maybe he can remember them. dr. karim said that paranoia is a side effect of pacinum. i'm just going crazy is all. nothing to be concerned about.
